Marriage in the Time of COVID-19

One disturbing trend that I have seen in my practice since the advent of the COVID-19 virus is
the explosion of the need for marriage counseling. I have had so many new clients as well as
former clients contact me for help with struggling marriages, and I know from talking to
colleagues that I am not alone. According to the New York Post, divorce rates have been spiking
since April 2020, which is just one month after many states started lockdown protocols. The
data showed that 31 percent of couples admitted that irreparable damage had been done to
their relationship during lockdowns. The combination of spending more time together,
increased anxiety, deaths of loved ones, homeschooling children, working from home,
unemployment, and financial strain along with a myriad of other things has put couples in a
very difficult position.

Though COVID may not be responsible for all the problems couples have faced, it certainly has
exacerbated things. With the added strain marriages are crumbling like never before. Previous
separate routines may have masked existing problems that forced lockdowns brought to light.
COVID may not cause breakups, but it is more of a catalyst for break ups that may have
happened anyway. Even couples who were stronger before the pandemic and did not make
major shifts in their family roles have still been susceptible because coping skills that were used
previously have been taken away such as going out with friends, playing sports, or just spending
time alone.

It is important to find ways to spend quality time together and not just a large quantity of time.
It is also important to spend time apart and engaging in self-care. You might feel comfortable
going out to restaurants for dates, but if you don’t there are still fun things that you can do at
home or at a safe distance. Here are some ways to combat the stress that the pandemic could
be placing on your marriage:

• Go for a picnic when the weather permits (I know it has not been great lately!) Pack a picnic basket at home or pick up some food from your favorite restaurant, grab a picnic blanket and go find a pretty spot to share a nice meal together. I came across this girl and had to share her page: https://www.facebook.com/Mels-Premium-Picnics-114286277090388/. She sets up romantic picnics for people at different spots around town. It is an amazing idea!
• Do an at home date night kit. There are many places online that you can find interesting things to do for date nights that can be delivered right to your door. Here are just a few that I have found, but a simple Google search can turn up many.
  • https://datenightinbox.com/
  • https://cratedwithlove.com/
  • https://www.huntakiller.com/
  • https://thehappily.co/
• A more budget friendly option might be to cook a meal together, have a screen free night, read a book or devotional together and discuss it, work on a craft or household project together, or go for a walk together.
• Find ways to spend time apart. This is equally as important as spending time together, so don’t neglect this one. You may need to call or Face Time a friend in your car, go for a hike or a walk in the park, or get involved in an online class. It may help to find your own space in your house that you can go to when things get tense. You might even personalize this space so that it feels comforting to you.
  

Remember to give each other grace and try to have empathy for one another.