Parenting in the Time of COVID-19

In the last post, Meagan gave us a terrific piece about the impact of the pandemic on many marriages, with some practical advice about how we can strengthen our relationships during this time. In considering the whole family, I wanted to follow up on that and talk about parenting in the time of COVID. As we know, we have been experiencing this different way of life for about a year now. While there are some encouraging signs that we may soon start getting back to a little more normalcy, it is likely that we are just scratching the surface of understanding the impact that the pandemic has had on our children.  

Predictability is a stabilizing force for kids and teens. The uncertainty of the pandemic has altered our ability as parents to provide this in many ways. Circumstances have changed over and over again, and it has been hard to settle into any kind of routine. The isolation from peers and family, uncertainty, missed milestones, loss of activities, as well as anxiety about health have taken its toll. For some young people, the pandemic may have exacerbated mental health needs that were already present. For others, especially those with social anxiety, being at home and online schooling may be a temporary relief to their anxiety, but this is not a long-term solution and may result in increased difficulty as they return to school and other aspects of life.

Here are a few ways that we can support our kids and teens as we continue to navigate the pandemic, and as we look ahead to getting back to a more familiar way of life.

• Try to keep routines at home. We can’t control that routines outside of our homes have altered, but we can keep family life as predictable as possible. Try to keep wake, sleep and meal times consistent. Don’t make drastic changes to rules and expectations just because you are home more. Some flexibility is certainly good--just try to avoid big changes from what your “normal” would look like. Habits that may seem harmless or easier right now may prove difficult to break later.  
• Look for little moments to connect with your kids throughout daily routines. This could mean taking 5 more minutes at bedtime to read with your child, rub their back, or just talk. Institute a family devotion or prayer time at the start or at the end of the day. Or, try to eat meals together as much as possible. This is a powerful way of connecting as a family.  Magic happens around the dinner table! 
  
• Get outside as much as possible. Research has shown over and over again that time spent in nature has multiple benefits to our children’s mental health and overall development.
  
• Try not to stress too much about school performance this year. Set your child up to be as successful as possible with whatever school model they are in. But if they are struggling, recognize that it is a very different year and they are likely doing the best that they can. Encourage them to do their best, stay in communication with their teachers, but try not to worry too much about the actual grades. If your child feels discouraged by lower than normal grades, encourage them to consider the other ways in which they are learning and growing as a person this year, such as developing perseverance and flexibility. Let them know how these things will serve them in their future.  
  
• If your child is anxious about returning to school or other activities, it is to be somewhat expected, especially for our littlest ones, and our kids with social anxiety.  Encourage your child to talk about the specific things that are on their mind. Validate their feelings and address their worries truthfully, but support them in facing these things.  The longer that kids stay out of familiar routines, the more difficult it may be for them to re-engage. Here is a social story for our youngest ones, written by Dr. Emily King (a Raleigh child psychologist), to help support children as they return to school: https://www.parentingonyourownpath.com/product-page/free-safely-back-to-school. There are also some wonderful books for older kids that address this kind of worry.  One of my favorites is The Invisible String, by Patrice Karst.
  
• Make your own self care and mental health a priority. This type of modeling is so important for your children to see! When we take care of ourselves and manage our own stressors in a healthy way, we are caring for our kids in turn.  
  
• As always, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional to explore ways to support your child that are specific to your unique situation.